Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
