I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Shame is for Republicans.
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