Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
