Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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