I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Vodka?
Forever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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