Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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