I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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