he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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