it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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