I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
