I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
