is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
