is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
