When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
