I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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