Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
