it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
