Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
