My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
