On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize