Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
