PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
