I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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