Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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