These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize