There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
