like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
