I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
