Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
