also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
