Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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