Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
