Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
