its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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