Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
