I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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