Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
