no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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