you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
