Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
