i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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