I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
