just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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