this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
