Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
pray to the hookup gods
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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