she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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