fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
