dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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