there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
