but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
