So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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