hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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