i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
