We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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