my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
