You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
