dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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