Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
