I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
