my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
