Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
