pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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