There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
