And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
