You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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