Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
