we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My dick has a subreddit
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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