I want you more than these girls want KFC
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
