i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
