roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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