nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
