just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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