What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
