I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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